September 2010
3 posts
Raya, yesterday and today →
The following article was published in The Star on September 26, 2010. YESTERDAY, I was eight. Back then, at this time, I wouldn’t be indoors writing this. I’d be out there on my…
Siesta?
I began using Tumblr because I wanted to compile the jokes I wrote on Twitter and sort of put ‘em all here. Because my Twitter timeline is filled with messages I send out to my friends as well.
But that was before I realized that I’m a lazy ass. On that note, please head on to http://twitter.com/asrif if you ever reach this page.
Adios. :-)
A Wish →
August 2010
21 posts
Not So Fast →
The following article was published in The Star on August 29, 2010. One boy mans up when he confronts his own thirst and hunger during Ramadhan. AS a 10-year-old, nothing gave me more joy…
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Mr. Gaga
Lady Gaga landed a record 13 nominations at MTV Video Music Awards 2010. She will go head to head with Eminem and Usher for Best Male Video.
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Chuck Norris
Just to clear the air, Texas Rangers the baseball team was sold for $385 million. Not TV show “Walker, Texas Ranger”. That would cost $3.85.
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The Others
This “Other Guys” movie brings so much memories. That’s what people used to call me and my only two friends back in school. They still do.
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Dear Sir,
38 billionaires have pledged 50% of their wealth to charity. One of them is Senator Pius Anyim of Nigeria. And he will e-mail you shortly.
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Swan Dive
London Zoo introduced a new male to its female gorillas to maintain stability. To expedite result, he was reportedly sprayed with Old Spice.
Cuddly Poetry →
A good friend had just returned to poetry writing. And in the early pages of her notebook, she wrote the following. Words could barely express our gratitude. Thank you Lia. You rule. Yaya and…
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Midnight Jazz
Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto, Michelle Pfeiffer, Mekhi Phifer… let’s call the whole thing off!
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Manga Joe
The US military to use manga to appeal to Japanese children about their alliance. For the first time ever, GI Joe will have Sailormoon eyes.
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Don't Stop, Beliebing
Justin Bieber is to release a memoir entitled “First Step 2 Forever: My Story”. The book will be 8 pages long with Comic Sans font size 32.
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5 Chairs
Jennifer Lopez is rumored to be the new American Idol judge, following reports of the producers setting up 5 chairs for the 4 judges.
Life Is But A Dream →
Hollywood have tried so hard. Talking robots from outer space, vampire-human-werewolf love triangle, Sarah Jessica Parker. All they ever needed was a movie with Leonardo DiCaprio, the guy from…
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Dream A Little Dream
Hollywood have tried so hard. Talking robots from outer space, vampire-human-werewolf love triangle, Sarah Jessica Parker.
All they ever needed was a movie with Leonardo DiCaprio, the guy from 500 Days of Summer, Ken Watanabe and Juno in the same team.
I’m bad at reviewing movies. Let’s just say Michael Bay is the Justin Bieber of the film industry, and Chris Nolan is Pink Floyd.
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The Asian Chuck Norris
Rajnikanth is in town. And fans are trailing him everywhere. All eager to see him bite a shooting bullet, freeze time, and fight a bear.
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Bollyrage
KLIA: Aishwarya Rai was reportedly furious after waiting 2 hours for her bag. She’s since calmed down. ‘Til she saw KL traffic this morning.
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Pointless Advice #3
Reality is like a mosquito. It bites.
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Pointless Advice #2
Believe in yourself. Because I don’t believe you.
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Pointless Advice #1
If you don’t get what you’re doing, do what you’re getting.
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Trash
Local TV shows have got great potential in competing with the ones from the US. Melodi for example, is just as trashy as Jerry Springer.
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Quite Good
Twitter reaches its 20 billionth tweet from a user in Japan. In @ConanOBrien’s words, “We’ve taped forty shows, two of them quite good.”
July 2010
35 posts
8 tags
Badabam!
Anheuser-Busch lost its bid for rights over the Budweiser brand to Budejovicky Budvar. Also losing the bid was pro wrestler Bam Bam Bigelow.
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Reservoir Toons
Disney sells Miramax for $660m, crushing my dream of seeing Mickey and Donald playing Russian Roulette in a Tarantino movie.
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I Kid
Ellen DeGeneres leaves American Idol after finding it “hard to judge people”. Rumored to replace her is Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.
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Fine
Northwest Airlines was fined $38m for air cargo price-fixing. Which is not bad considering that’s the amount I pay AirAsia in fees.
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Car Flood
Waking up to the sound of rain brushing on the leaves, staring into the plain white ceiling, the mind wonders, “Did I close the car window?”
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FarmVizzle
Marijuana worth $1.7B was found on plantations in California. This led to the release of its online game adaptation, Snoop Dogg’s Farmville.
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Living Full
I live life to the fullest. That’s why I can’t move after dinner.
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Heat
Moscow suffers its hottest day ever recorded at 39C. Men in the Russian capital are aggressively converting the weather into pickup lines.
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Expectations
Expect the unexpected. Because I’ll never meet your expectation.
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Angst
Patience is a virtue. Unless you’re dealing with the office copier machine.
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The Ultimate Challenge
In The View, Barack Obama talked about the challenges he’s faced as President. Including the toughest challenge yet, appearing on The View.
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Pricey Package
A man was arrested in Belfast Airport for carrying £10,000 in his underwear. No it wasn’t Taek Jho Low. He carries more.
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The Gap
Dear Paul Scheer, Thank you for making the gap between my front teeth the second widest in the world. Love from Malaysia, Me
Going, Going, Gong →
You know how songs take you back in time to a certain place and paint the picture of a past event. A picture so vivid you could almost feel the atmosphere of that occasion. Happens to me all the…
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Cock-a-doodle-meow
The authorities are doing well at curbing cockfights. And I’m all behind the effort. So long as they don’t begin stopping catfights as well.
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Slit Dreams
M&S is releasing an underwear line inspired by Twilight star Robert Pattinson. Fans are excited and have planned to use it as pillow cover.
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Rucky Raccoon
Yahoo! Japan has teamed up with Google for their search technology. The new engine will have two buttons, “Search” and “I’m Feering Rucky”.
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30, Virgo
StarCraft II is finally released, after 12 years. Most of the game’s players are now in their 30s, with their virginity intact.
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Nervoush
In Argentina: Diego Maradona sacked as national coach. In Germany: Bastian Schweinsteiger works on his Spanish to make fun of him.
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Pigeons of Leon
Kings of Leon canceled gig after pigeons defecated on them. The pigeons later apologized claiming they’ve mistaken the band for Nickelback.
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Guile Theme Fits All
Capcom and Namco announce the release of Street Fighter vs. Tekken. Let’s just say Chun-Li vs. Panda makes more sense than Edward vs. Jacob.
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BlackBerrisk
The UAE may restrict BlackBerry as it posts “national security risk”. iPhone 4 remains harmless because well, it doesn’t even get reception.
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Jab Patch
Scientists have developed a vaccine patch that can replace the needle jab. Every time I close my eyes for a birthday wish, this has been it.
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Thin Line
There’s a very thin line between confidence and over-confidence. The line looks like this: -
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Tome Raider
London: Bill “Tome Raider” Jacques was jailed for stealing books worth £1M. He also got the nickname for having man boobs like Simon Cowell.
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500 million
Facebook reaches 500 million users i.e. 1 in every 14 people in the world is on Facebook. The other 13 have more friends in real life.